The Right Way to Praise Your Kids

An article on WebMD asks the question The Right Way to Praise Your Kids: "So what is the right amount of praise?"

Do we over praise our kids or not praise them enough?
The experts say that "neither extreme is a good thing and the quality of praise is more important than the quantity: if praise is sincere and genuine, and focused on the effort, not the outcome, you can give it as often as your child does something that warrants a verbal reward." also "Praising the effort -- not the outcome is better"

Here are some Praising Tips

Praising your kids is an important part of building their self-esteem and confidence. But there are some important dos and don'ts to keep in mind before you break out in applause that will help your child find value in your words of encouragement:

Be specific. Instead of saying, "You're such a good baseball player," say, "You hit the ball really hard and you are an excellent first baseman." Being specific is much better and helps kids to identify with their special skill, explains Berman.

Be genuine. Praise should always be genuine. Kids have a way of knowing when your praise is insincere, and you lose trust. Worse yet, they become insecure because they don't believe your positive words, and they find difficulty in telling the difference between when you really mean it and when you don't, explains Berman.

Encourage new activities. "Praise kids for trying new things, like learning to bike ride or tie their shoelaces, and for not being afraid to make mistakes," says Donahue.

Don't praise the obvious. "Try not to overdo praise about a child's attributes: 'You're so smart, handsome, pretty, bright, talented, gifted,'" says Donahue. "Parents and grandparents are of course going to indulge in some of this, and that is OK, but if our kids hear a constant litany of praise it will begin to sound empty to them and have little meaning."

Say it when you mean it. Saying "Good job," when you mean it, or "Boy, you really worked hard on that paper," tells children that, as parents, you recognize the value of their hard work and efforts, explains Donahue, and that you know the difference between when they work hard at something, and when it comes easy.

Focus on the process. Praise children for their effort and hard work, not for their inherent talents, explains Donahue. "Remember, it's the process, not the product that matters," he says. "Not all our kids will be fantastic athletes or brilliant students or accomplished musicians. But children who learn to work hard and persevere have a special talent. As I like to say, pluggers go far in life."